Tuesday, October 11, 2011

You Think my Encounter With Vampires Was Fiction

You didn’t have to comment for me to sense the scepticism. I know its hard to believe. But it is absolutely true.
While my initial contact with the vampires was in the Dungeon I at one point acquired a roommate who was also friends with the vampires, being as he was a tour guide who had been in the Quarter for a considerable time despite the fact that he was twenty-five.
As an aside he introduced me to a pirate who, I discovered later, had a pretty bad heroin habit. He was one of the few people from whom you could acquire absinthe.
If you don’t know, absinthe is an alcoholic drink containing wormwood which is a legend in New Orleans. There are no less than seven businesses that claim to be the original absinthe house. allegedly absinthe, when properly administered (more on that later) would cause hallucinations if imbibed in sufficient quantities.
Pouring a shot of absinthe was a production. It involved placing a single ice cube in the bottom of a glass. A sugar cube was placed in a spoon which was set upon the rim of the glass. The absinthe was poured slowly over the sugar cube and hence into the glass and this perfectly clear liquid would turn milky white. The spoon was then removed and the drink quickly downed. It sometimes took several bottles to achieve the hallucinations (if one was not passed out).
Why so much about a drink? Well the state of Louisiana outlawed the drink. Well in a way. More like the way states later outlawed drugs of other types. It was illegal to sell absinthe in Louisiana. It was not illegal to distill it, buy it, transfer it, posses it, or drink it. You just couldn’t charge money for it.
While most people got their’s through the Internet from Sweden, My pirate friend prefered to make his own, enabling him to maximize both the wormwood (the hallucinogenic ingredient) and the alcoholic content.
Share a bottle with him and you were pretty much guaranteed to see things you never thought existed.
He worked at a bar called the Pirates Cove on Pirates Alley (yes there is actually an alley that officially possesses that moniker) across the alley from what is now St.John’s Cathedral.
I venture to say if you wish to taste this beverage, you may still be able to find a bottle behind the bar there.
But back to what you came here for, vampires.
Sceptics will be delighted with the photos I am including in today’s post. While it does not prove the existence of the vampires it does prove the existence of the Dungeon.
Woman in center is Delia
The bathrooms are unique there as they are hidden within the library bookcases and require an assistant to help both men and women to find the entrances.
No, I’ve never seen a vampire outside during the day, lending to the credence that they have an allergy to sunlight. However, it may well be that they simply party all night and sleep during the day when the only ones moving are the tourists visiting the antique shops. There are several bars that remain open twenty-four seven and all of them are quite dark which may account for the where abouts of many of them.
One thing that the uninitiated may overlook. First of all vampires heal no better than their living counterparts, no matter what Anne Rice says. Injuries are not that common as they tend to be a careful lot; However, on occasion things do happen. Which is how my apartment was turned into a makeshift dentist’s office.
Vampires may be able to get away with going to an average doctor to have a bone set or a cold remedy, but dentists are definitely a no-no, for obvious reasons.
A man with a silver briefcase, suitable for a sniper rifle, came into my home he quickly assessed Delia’s dental problem, no cavities (although I wondered what an x-ray would show) simply a broken canine. I admit I did not inquire as to how the canine was damaged, I honestly didn’t want to know.
The “dentist” opened his briefcase to reveal what one has become accustomed to inspecting on a dentist’s tray while waiting on the dentist’s arrival. He had Delia lay back on my couch and believe it or not wrapped a beaded chain with alligator clips on either end around her neck and clipped it to a blue disposable dentist’s bib.
He had me hold a very large and very bright LED light aimed at her open mouth. A sight I hope I never have the dubious pleasure to see again. He examined the canine closely and did something I never expected. He grasped the tooth between his gloved thumb and forefinger and pulled. The tooth came loose straight away, revealing a normal sized canine beneath.
I leaned forward to ensure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. It was true.
The dentist then placed a wad of that blue goop I think we all hate to have in our mouths and told her to hold still for several minutes. After which he yanked the now somewhat stiff mold from her mouth. Then he pulled out of his suitcase of mystical tricks an entire laboratory of dental prosthetics. He created a positive of Delia’s upper teeth out of something similar to plaster of paris. And pulled a mold of a long canine from his box. I was still the designated light source.
He mixed together two gooey globs he extracted from jars that reminded me of my mother’s cold cream on a marble plate. He then filled the long canine mold with the results. He then placed the positive mold of Delia’s canine into the goop and carefully cleaned the excess the flowed out of the sides. He held them in place by hand for about five minutes then wrapped heavy rubber bands around the whole mess and inverted it and set it aside and setting a timer for 1 hour.
Then he became sociable and prattled on about something engaging Delia and her friend Donald in what I later dubbed “normal vampire talk.” I hesitated to describe it here.
Once the bell rang he tore apart his carefully constructed dental mold and there it was: a bright shiny and sharp looking canine. Delia leaned back on my couch once more and seconds later was fitted with a new serviceable puncture tooth.
They then said their good bye’s, I’m not sure if money or other token was exchanged but everyone seemed happy and Delia’s bright smile returned (she had been quite down while waiting on the “dentist”).
I often wonder if I that night I had become an accessory to murder.